Shouldn’t Guys Be Modest Too?


Shouldn’t Guys Be Modest Too?

“Why is modesty constantly directed towards women?” “What about men being modest too?”

Have you ever asked yourself or others this question? Have you ever read an article or book on modesty and wonder why one wasn’t written for men too? Several women asked me the above questions more than three or four times last week. It’s a great question/topic. I hope that when this article is read that no one will be offended and not finish reading. Just bear with me and I will try to answer not according to my own knowledge (God forbid!), but according to God and His word.

Women tend to get offended easily these days, especially when they are called out, or feel like they are being called out, or when they feel convicted or belittled. Comments on Facebook about feminism or modesty or anything that reminds women of what they were like before “equal rights for women” was around infuriate us.

When this happens, we often fire back with something that points right back to the men. Well, why do men get to do this? Why don’t the men have to do that? Why can’t the men help out at home? And so on until we can come up with retorts to controversial conversations that point back to the men in our sleep! The conversation could be about anything, anything at all, and we can still come up with an excuse or blame shifting response of why the men should or shouldn’t be doing it too.

“But shouldn’t guys be modest too?”This question derives from one such excuse/comeback.

First of all, there is no verse in the Bible that commands men to be modest in their clothing. One reason being, I think, is because women aren’t as easily stumbled as men when it comes to too much skin being revealed. Second of all, repeat the question to yourself again. “Shouldn’t guys be modest too?” The question itself screams from a prideful heart.

When we have pride stuck down in our system we don’t recognize sin that has crept into our hearts. We find it hard to let God change us or mold us because we are scared. We’re scared to say goodbye to what we want. We want our way in our terms in our time. That’s what the 21st century is all about. Me, me, me! If we could just learn to die to self, die to our egos, die to our desires, we would be able to live in the freedom that comes with living like Christ.

We can’t sit around pointing fingers at everyone except ourselves.

We need to stop, reconsider our motives and ask God for His thoughts on the subject. What does He say? What does He say about you? Most of the time after asking God for His opinion it becomes a one on one heart issue between ourselves and God. God never blames others. He shows us what the problem is then if we ask He shows us how we can resolve it.

But it takes a willingness and humility to confess.  Humility is the opposite of pride. Humility is recognizing where we are in the wrong and not justifying what we believe is true. Humility is letting go of our controversial retorts and forgetting who or what made us feel wronged in the first place and simply choosing to focus on pleasing God.

The Key to Letting It Go and Zeroing in on YOU.

If we truly want to please God, we would love Him and love others. You can’t do the second without doing the first though. Loving God means to obey Him. Dig into His word; listen for His thoughts about life, about relationships, and modesty too. Then act on your convictions. As soon as we are one with God’s will for our lives, and when we are so in love with Him-nothing else will matter. Standing on our rights or what we think others should be doing will fade into the background and soon disappear.

“By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brothers and sisters.” 1 John 3:16

When we know and recognize God’s love in our lives on a personal level, we are able to pour out that love to others. Through our smiles, through our talk, our character, and through our faith we are a shining example to all who are around us. We are finally free of the bitterness that pride instills in our hearts and the barriers of “self-respect” are replaced with fruitful vines made out of our identity in Christ.

The men have their own convictions and morals. But it’s not up to girls to point their sin out to them. We are not their conscience or their god. That is their battle. We as Christian women are simply called to love God and love others. There is no gray area. If we are totally lost in God’s love and if we are busy loving others, questions like the title of this article won’t matter anymore.  Glorifying God through our humbleness and meek and quiet Spirit will take the place of our old prideful habits.

Modesty is an Issue of the Heart.

You could read article upon article, book upon book, watch conference upon conference and listen to podcast upon podcast on the topic of modesty. Some women get scared off when the topic of modesty comes up, others get proud and want to push their opinion into every one’s view. But we should choose to view modesty as it is: a heart issue. It’s not about how high or low your neckline should be. Modesty of heart, modesty of character, modesty of appearance and of soul is something that every Christian man and woman should pride themselves in.  I hope this has encouraged you and answered the question!

Let’s keep this conversation flowing… Leave your thoughts in the comments!

God bless,

Lisa

  • Good read.

  • Katie

    Love your answer to the question, very wise and calls the reader to question their own motive. Very insightful! May God bless you to touch many hearts!

  • John McDowell

    Dear Lisa, from a guy’s perspective, I am often convicted of my modesty. Sometimes I wonder if my jeans are too tight, my shirts to tight, if running the neighborhood with no shirt on is a stumbling block to the women driving by. You are quite humble to point the finger back at yourself, yet it is an issue that men should feel convicted by. Women may not have the same desire as men through visual images, but it is still present for them. I believe a man of God should keep in mind the subtelty with which satan can tempt, and to be a channel for that through immodest dress is sinful, especially if there is any doubt about what he is wearing. Thank you for your post.

    • Thank you so much for your comment and insight and perspective John! I really appreciate when comments come from guys. It’s so helpful and encouraging. I wholeheartedly agree with you. I think it can be a very deep subject and women tend to be a little vicious about it sometimes, so if we deal with the core issue at heart with the women it can be better than opening a lot of controversy and anger. I hope this makes sense. Thank you again and God bless!
      ~Lisa

  • mishqueen

    I love the majority of your article, but I have a question about a few phrases:
    “[T]here is no verse in the Bible that commands men to be modest in their clothing.”
    “…when it comes to too much skin being revealed.”

    Am I right that in my assumption from your wording that you are indicating that the Bible’s call for female modesty is about how much skin is being revealed?
    I’m very interested where in the bible is the verse that commands women to cover up their skin or not dress skimpy. Even indirectly, to not tempt men with sensual clothing or manner of dress? Please respond with the book and verse. In my understanding, all the verses on modesty are talking about vanity & arrogance; wearing clothing and exhibiting behavior that calls attention to oneself. There are some verses specifically written to women, and many others asking for humility and modest behavior that are CLEARLY directed to any follower of God. There are other verses that even use the word men (meaning all people, but it would be ridiculous to assume that means only women).

    Before you assume this means I like to dress immodestly and am looking for an excuse, I cover up like a nun (not literally, but there’s not a lotta skin showing here, nor is my clothing tight or revealing). However, I’m familiar with my Bible and I know that today’s culture of modesty is a product (and arguably, a necessity) of modern times, NOT an ancient admonition spelled out in the Bible as you have indicated. I support modest dressing, but I also support teaching correctly from the Bible. Many people “cover up” in the most ostentatious and expensive clothing they can find, and pretend they are following the Bible because the sexy skin isn’t showing–yet are not modest as the Bible indicates.

    I would like to call into question the modesty motive of dressing to avoid tempting men sexually. To teach our young girls to dress for men (in this case, righteous men) is to misplace the motive of dressing to please God. If we teach them we are doing it to benefit the men, we should not cry out when they simply switch the current male audience for another (less righteous) target audience, and continue doing exactly what we have taught them to do…dress to please men.

    I dress modestly for me, and for God. Reduced temptation for men is a wonderful blessing they can receive from our choice to dress modestly, a byproduct if you will, but it should not be the principle foundation for our modesty motivations. Let them feel relieved that we are doing something good for ourselves, but not point the fingers that we should be doing it FOR them.

    Thank you for your article! We should all be re-examining our own selves and not laying the blame for our resistance to the commandments on others.