I Don’t Have a BFF

I Don’t Have a BFF

Megan looked out the window at the wind blowing in the trees, the rain trickling down on the grass and she let out a heavy sigh. It was another lonely Saturday that she would be spending by herself again. She wished she had a “bosom friend” as Anne Shirley of Green Gables so eloquently put it. Of course she had friends or acquaintances but a close, dear, priceless, friend was what Meg had wanted for as long as she could remember.

Moving with her family several times in her life and a few other reasons had kept this wish from coming true for Meg. Hurtful reminders came up all too often in her mind and made her sad and discontent. Reminders such as empty weekend dates on the calendar, posts on Facebook and Instagram with people who use hash tags such as “#bestie” and “#bffs”, and friends who seemed to be having such fun that would pass her in the store.

I remember feeling just like Meg.

I grew up moving every few years with my family, being home schooled, and not able to join sports because of financial reasons and not having any good, close, best friend to call my own. Even when I did make a really good friend our relationship didn’t last long because we moved so often.

I felt lonely, sad, and different from other girls. Every group of people I got involved with didn’t seem to have a feeling of deep friendship or fellowship. I made one dear, dear friend who I saw only a few times but have stayed in spectacular contact with since we met. Her name is Anna and she helps co-author on this blog! But distance has kept us apart for far too long!

I wished my entire teen life that I could have a friend that I could see on a regular basis and pray with and share deep secrets with. It made me bitter and discontent growing up. Have you ever had this problem? Have you ever based your happiness on a relationship-either with a girlfriend or guy friend?

Most of the time, when people are friendless they try extra hard to be the cool person, the funny person, the person that everyone is envious of. By doing this we are focusing too much on ourselves. We are trying to get all eyes on us! We want friends and we want to feel accepted. So we throw ourselves out there in hopes that we might look like the perfect friend for people to have.

I have an important question to ask you! Have you ever tried a new approach to making new friends?

Maybe, instead of trying to make friends we should try being the best friend ( that we have always wanted) to others. Do you catch my drift? Instead of trying to get noticed we should take notice of others. Try reading the girl’s story who sits in the corner of church. Try inviting her to lunch. It may be that you will make a best friend in her. And even if you don’t, you’ve still helped her feel noticed and appreciated.

By being a friend to others we will gain friends in the same way that Jesus did. Jesus did not walk around Israel trying to get approval from other people. He didn’t perform miracles to be famous. Jesus didn’t beg for people to love Him. He didn’t ask the disciples to follow Him so He would look good by having friends who liked Him. Everything He did, He did for others; He did it out of love for humanity. He did it out of love for the future lives of everyone who would read about His life and choose to believe in Him.

“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” Luke 6:31

Instead of looking to gain friends when going out among your friends, strive to make it your ministry to bless and befriend others. I know some girls are very shy. They don’t feel comfortable walking up to other girls who are considered better than themselves or more outgoing and start a conversation with them. Stepping outside of their comfort zone to do so is harder for the shy than for other people.

I know this because for a very long time I was the shy girl. I was the one who was very quiet and reserved among my friends. I didn’t like it when people talked to me and I didn’t like talking to others. I thought that if I said something (that I thought was weird) people would think I were some geek and either not talk to me again or laugh at me with their other friends.

Not until I realized that only Jesus’ opinion of me mattered, was I able to open up and be myself. I finally gave up on worry about what others thought and I slowly came out of my shell. Maybe God has called you to minister to other shy people. Maybe you are really friendly and outgoing yet are still lacking that one amazing friend that everyone else seems to have.

Stop worrying about popularity and friends.

Start being a BFF to others who are really, truly in need of one. Ask God to give you the:

Bravery to step forward towards the needy,
The words to say to her,
The grace needed to help,
The friendship qualities that she needs,
And the loving heart that is required of all friendships.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.” John 15:12-14

When we rid ourselves of selfish motives we are free to befriend anyone!

Let me know your thoughts in the comments! Are you BBFless? Are you willing to step out and befriend others the way Jesus did?

I would love to hear from you. God bless!

Lisa Sig.1




  • Elizabeth Williams

    I feel the same way! I have friends, but not a BEST friend. Not someone I hang out with all the time, or tell everything. And it really makes me feel like an outcast because I’m 22 and EVERYONE I know has a BFF. But I’ve definitely been encouraged lately to stop focusing on getting friends and instead just focus on being a friend to others, even if it doesn’t result in a friendship.

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Elizabeth, that’s why we have to stick together and encourage others whenever we can! Either through online communication like what we are doing right now, or face-to-face in your daily life like what you are doing with the girls you know. I’m praying for ya girly! God bless =)

  • Marlee Bug

    Thanks for the reminder!! I have lived in the same tiny town my entire life (over 15 years!) and I don’t have any close friends. It has always been sad for me because all of the friends I have that are nearby all have really good friends that they do everything with. I do have some good friends (like Sarah!!!) who I treasure, but they are scattered across the states. I have recently been able to start being the person to include others, and make them feel important. But it is always nice to have a reminder!! Thanks again! 🙂

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Awesome! Keep up the good work, Marlee. I will be praying for you! God bless <3

  • Allie

    This is such a great post and I can totally relate! Thank you for posting about topics that are SO needed and pointing us to scripture! I do want to gently bring up the fact that I would love to see the authors on this site (whom I respect and look up to!) go out of their way to pray before choosing a photo for their posts. Images have a lot of power and can speak more than words and I have to say that this photo on the top bothered me a bit. I don’t want to get in to a legalism debate, but just gently remind you to please choose the photos that represent your blog prayerfully! If I’m going to be sharing a post on social media, I always make sure that the photo is something I’m comfortable sharing with all of my FB friends and I want to share so many of your posts! 🙂 Thank you! <3

    • Elizabeth Williams

      I was thinking the same thing! However, I didn’t say anything because I was afraid of being dubbed a legalist, too. But you’re right, it really is very important 🙂

  • This is such a great post, and so true! I actually started doing this about a year ago. I made friends with the new girl at church (who was extremely shy and awkward at first) and now we are best friends. I didn’t look to her for acceptance or what I could get out of our friendship, but I was there for her, and in turn, I got to really know her. She is so sweet and genuine. She is moving away in a few weeks, but she will still be my lifelong friend.