Kissing Before Marriage: Yes or No?


Kissing Before Marriage: Yes or No?

“Take a deep breath. Here we go again” I tell myself. I was about to explain why I was saving my first kiss again. It’s not that I didn’t like telling others why  I was saving my first kiss for marriage, it’s just that I already know the feedback I will get once I explain it. How did we get on this subject anyways? I forget.

*Sigh. “Well, ” I begin, “When I was little my parents told me that marriage was special, my first kiss would be special and my husband would be someone very special. They let me make the decision if I wanted to save my first kiss for marriage or not. I decided that I wanted my very first kiss to be the most special moment of my life. Kisses are very special and magical. I wanted mine to be saved for the day I would get married”, I explained. Then I got the answer I had expected… Blank stares. Oh well!

I am a very stubborn person. In thought, deed, and action. It’s the Irish blood that runs in my family. But when I was little I made a vow that “NO MAN WOULD KISS ME UNLESS HE WERE WILLING TO MARRY ME!” A bit harsh I admit, but I couldn’t be called a softy and definitely couldn’t be called a girly girl ( I had four brothers and was a major tom boy at the time).

I didn’t make this vow based on the will of my parents.

I didn’t do it because I was taught that it was biblical. And I didn’t do it after reading a Joshua Harris book. I did it out of sheer stubborn will. And here’s why:

I am 50% stubborn and 60% sentimental. Bad combination. Sorry guys! But I seriously didn’t want anyone steeling my kisses (especially my first one) if he wasn’t my husband. Because, when I get married, I want everything to be special, memorable, and pure. When I was little I just didn’t like guys. But now I just want to be a representation of the church-a pure, white bride.

I think that kisses, no matter how harmless others call them, are sacred in their own special way and should be reserved like the rest of our purity, for one man. I get my inspiration for saving my first kiss from this verse:

“So that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Paul was talking about Jesus, being the bridegroom and preparing the church to be His bride “without spot or wrinkle…that she might be without blemish”.

In my eyes, a bride, wearing a white dress on your wedding day means being a pure woman in eyes of the Lord and in the eyes of your husband. I want my life to be a pure, spotless wedding dress till the day I become a wife. I want my husband to enjoy the pleasure of knowing his lips are the first to kiss mine. I want him to know he is the first to love me. The first to experience life with me apart from my family. I want everything to be a first. Most importantly my kiss.

Walking down the aisle to your husband should be the representation of the pure and humble church walking to greet her groom, Jesus, coming into heaven to spend the happily ever after in His embrace. I can’t wait for that day when I am able to represent that picture. Until then, I will spend my time learning what it means to be a pure bride. Learning how I can become a member of the church of Christ awaiting His coming and sharing about His return with others.

What we all need to understand is that no one can be a “perfect bride”.

No one can be spotless in every way. Everyone has sin in their life. Every church member has blemishes. There are none that are holy. Some brides have given themselves to multiple men before walking down the aisle to their husband. Some brides have kissed other men. This does not mean that they are of lesser value than the bride who has not.

Paul explains it perfectly. 

“What then? Are we better than they? Not at all. For we have previously charged both Jews and Greeks that they are all under sin. As it is written: ‘There is none righteous, no, not one;’
…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” Romans 3:9-10, 23-26

No matter who you are or what you’ve done, if you have put your faith in Christ He has redeemed you. He has justified you. That means you are still the pure and spotless bride in His eyes. You are HIS bride. You have been bought with a price out of love. He has made you clean again. You can boldly and unashamedly put on your white gown knowing that Jesus has made you pure. There is no need to live in condemnation of the past.

Jesus tells us, “I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord. ” Hosea 2:19-20

We are all  betrothed to Christ. We are all called to be holy and pure. But not of our own strength and ability. We are betrothed in grace and mercy and love.

If you are saving your first kiss for marriage, don’t be ashamed of it.

Don’t let the world tell you that’s dumb. Don’t get scared when people ask you why. Embrace the fact that you will be a representation of the body of Christ-pure and whole.

If you have given away your kiss and feel condemned, you don’t need to! You can stand in the glorious light of grace that Jesus has shown on you! Embrace the fact that you will be a representation of the redeemed church of Christ, covered in a white gown of grace from head to foot. Loved by the king and by your future beloved. You are His perfect bride.

I hope this article has encouraged you all. I hope you know that regardless of the sin we have committed to make us feel unworthy and impure does not define or defile us. I hope that if this whole “saving your first kiss” stuff is new to you that you take into consideration the power and beauty that doing so will bring in your life.

-Have you made the decision to reserve your first kiss for your husband on your wedding day?
-Have you ever thought about being a representation of the church to Christ?
-Will you boldly wear white on your wedding day considering the purity that Christ has adorned us with by the price of His precious blood?

Thank you for reading through this article! Have a blessed day.

Lisa Sig.1

 

 

 

  • Great post, and I commend you for your conviction in this area! Purity is beautiful, and a whole lot more enjoyable too. I’m saving my first kiss for my future wife!

    Hold fast!

    – Reagan

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Thanks so much, Reagan. Keep up the good work on your blog too!
      Blessings,
      -Lisa

  • I love, love, love this article!! What a blessing it is!

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Thank you, Haley! Glad you liked it. =)

  • Great post Lisa! =) I loved it. I am saving my first kiss for my wedding day and I am glad I have decided to do so!
    God bless.
    Susanna

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Thank you, Susanna! I’m glad you’ve made that commitmet. I pray the Lord blesses you for it.
      Much love,
      -Lisa

  • Demii Diva

    Hi Lisa, I want you to know that I am a Romanian girl and I read all your posts, and I find myself in what you write. Thank you for your advices! May God continue to bless you abundantly in all His fullness and Grace.
    (Sorry for my English)
    With love, Denisa:)

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Denisa, thank you so much for your encouragement! I love hearing from girls who are blessed by the work we do here. I hope that God will continue to minister to you through this ministry. Have a blessed day!
      Much love,
      -Lisa

  • Caroline Ihura

    wow greatly challenged by the article. Great work Lisa 🙂

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Thank you, Caroline! I am so glad you were blessed by reading it. Have a great day and thank you for commenting!
      -Lisa

  • Toni Sadikin

    Hello Lisa your article is so blessed in me! Tx! But you know what i’m Indonesian and now i lives / serving in Colombia and always sawing couples here always kissing wherever they are! That’s weird for me as an Asia culture! But my big question is : in Colombia 97% is Catholic and 3% Christian but yesterday when i attended in Christian Church i saw a couple kissing after sunday service and i know they’re not marriage couple! So what’s your opinion about Latin Culture who gave me answered about kissing is not sin and common in Latin America?
    Let me know your opinion but please send me direct message to my email punyagonii@yahoo.co.id because i’m not active blogger..

  • Reigha Sunshine

    This is beautiful! Such a beautiful picture and wonderful encouragement!!! I want to keep this somewhere where I can read it regularly to remind myself who I represent!!!

  • Katalin Gulyás

    I agree!

  • Katalin Gulyás

    What do you think of this story: I met a guy (from an online dating site). So, our first meeting couldn’t be called a real date. When we met for the 3rd time and had longer hours together, he tried to kiss me properly. I wasn’t ready for it, but he was disappointed (by my shyness). Next time he stated that he does not want to keep going on with dating because: ‘there is no chemistry between us’. I was very sad. I thought this might be a real Christian man (from a Christian site). He told me that it’s obvious to have sex and ‘everything’. I think he is just very worldly. He couldn’t get what he wanted from me on the 3rd date and he gave upon me. And here I say that it is extremely hard to find a Real Christian Man in these days. 🙁 Opinions, please! 🙂

    • You are so right. It is so hard to try and uphold the standards God has given YOU personally in the dating world today. There is so much pressure to do the right thing and at the same time there is pressure to give in and do what feels right in the moment. Hold tight! I’m in the process of writing another article on this same topic.It was already in the works before I read your comment! =) But for the immediate moment, I encourage and applaud you for doing the right thing and just breaking up with him. God has a plan for you and I assure you, you wont find it in a guy who wants you to do something God doesn’t want you doing. =) That’s the first red flag! Good job in staying strong, Katalin. God bless.

      Lisa

  • Afry

    OK,I like this post though but I think one’s first kiss is kinda being overrated here.And if one has already kissed others,is there any point in saving a kiss for marriage?

  • Hannah B

    I fully support the idea of saving your fist kiss for marriage. However, I’m not sure if the Bible considers it a sin; I’m also confused on the whole “only men can pursue women, not the other way around” idea because my mom asked my Dad out and they still have a healthy, Christ-centered relationship and my dad is a spiritual leader in our family. Could you shed some light on what the Bible says about this for me? Thank you, God Bless!