Confessions of a Relationship Obsessed Girl


Confessions of a Relationship Obsessed Girl

When I was younger I was nailed to the idea that I would be married by age 16 and have my first adorable baby at age 18. I was so excited to grow up and meet my future husband and marry him. I told all of my family and friends that I wanted to get married at 16 and they would giggle and say “good luck”. I held on to my dream and wished upon every star and dandelion weed that God would give me a husband to marry. Every boy I met I would “romanticize” my life with him. I would match my first name with his last name and write it out on paper to see what it would look like. (Who hasn’t done that, right?)

Well, when I turned 15, Mr. Charming came into the picture. He was perfect. Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, and even 3 years older than me. We began talking on a regular basis and he even asked me for my phone number. While he was away on work we would text back and forth and eventually even got permission from my parents to have once a week phone calls.

This was working! If we kept it up, at this rate I could have the dreamy “age 16” wedding that I had always wished for. Oh, there really was a God in heaven! I was the definition of a girl in love. I sang all day and began planning my wedding. When I got to see the young man we talked and laughed and had grand times (regardless of the fact that we had never announced our feelings for one another. I had just assumed he liked me if he texted me all day and called me, and told me I was his best friend).

Then, the worst possible thing happened to my dream.

After a year and a half of our “perfect relationship” Mr. Charming stopped talking to me. We didn’t talk when we saw each other any more. He stopped texting me and started talking to another girl. He had moved on but it took me quite a while to get over the crushing feeling inside. When I turned 17 I cried. I still wasn’t married. (So silly, I know!)

I look back at this story and laugh now. I was so silly and so naive. I was obsessed with an idea that I had created in my little heart and was bent on making it come true. I thought, “if God loves me, He will make my dream come true”. When that didn’t happen I was crushed. I had a rough 2 years following this heart break. I had a hard time believing that God really wanted what was best for me, that He would make me happy and that I could trust Him with my heart.

Even though this story is silly and meant to be lighthearted it has a big message behind it.

In this romanticized, sexualized culture having a relationship is viewed as one of your most important, meaningful accomplishments in life. If you are single, well… you’re just not as great. Singles hear and accept this message too. They feel less than. They feel alone, abandoned and insecure because of not having someone to be in love with.

We make an idol out of relationships and having someone to complete us in life. Even though we are Christian singles and we know that we are supposed to be complete in Christ and that we can trust God, we still are latched on to the fact that we are not as valuable to society and to our friend circle because we are single. We can’t avoid the fact that this culture is  relationship obsessed.

Wanting to be married and having a family is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact it is the best thing you could ever ask for or desire. I don’t want you to give up on this dream. Don’t give up on the idea of marriage. Continue praying for it and asking for it in faith. But don’t build your security or identity around the idea of love and marriage.

Becoming a wife will not make you a better person. Being married will not make you more valuable. Having a husband will not secure your future. God will make you a better person, God has made you as valuable as His only Son, and you already have a secured future in Christ.

This isn’t another post about being content while you are single. 

This is about recognizing what the culture is trying to feed you and combating the widespread obsession that has taken over societies way of viewing singles. What do you see when you scroll through Pinterest, Facebook, magazines, and other news feeds? What do you see or hear when you watch movies and listen to music? Love, sex, weddings, couples, marriage posts, and more. Not all of these are bad but it definitely portrays a deceptive pattern. Relationships are for the people who are awesome, cool, modern, beautiful, sexy, smart and successful.

What does that make single people then? You see where this is all going? We have become obsessed with relationships. It seems like it is very easy to become obsessed with things today, movies, social media, people, lifestyles, anything but the Creator of those things.

We need to shift our focus! The things or people that we become obsessed with will fade away. The life we live will be gone someday. Everything we will have worked for, dreamed of having, strived to achieve, will be gone. Only Jesus will remain. So why are we investing so much time and thought into the things that will only fail us in the end? Because we are not secure and complete in the One thing that will bring us peace and security because we have not invested our mind and thought and dream life in it long enough to see the effects!

When Mr. Charming stopped talking to me I stopped talking to God. I was depressed, insecure, brokenhearted, distrusting, and to be honest, disappointed in God. Disappointed that He failed me. That He didn’t make my dreams come true. What I didn’t realize in my 17-year-old mind was that that guy was wrong for me. He was soooo wrong for me!

I’m glad God didn’t give me what I so desperately wanted!

I think a lot of us feel this way after sometime of not receiving what we thought would make us the happiest. Some of us are still mad that God hasn’t blessed us with our heart’s desires. All of this is confusion and a result of our self sin nature. Nothing new. We all have doubts, we all have sadness, fear, regret, shame.

One thing that we do know, is that Jesus cares for us. Why else would He chose to nail our sins, our debts, our shortcomings, our failures to the hands and feet of His perfect, innocent Son then tell us that we are valuable to Him after that? Why else did Jesus give up His place in heaven so that we could have a relationship with Him!? Why aren’t we obsessed with that fact?

Jesus says: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10
He want’s you to have the perfect relationship with Him. He is with you all the time even when we are feeling distant from Him.

A great way to overcome obsession over the things of the world, the overwhelming desires of our hearts that become gods in our lives, and the desire to have things our own way is to remember that God gave us a helper. When Jesus rose from the dead and returned to Heaven He didn’t leave us with just the remembrance of Himself. He left His Spirit with us. The perfect helper, conqueror, coach, mediator, ad intercessor! All we have to do is call on the Holy Spirit to protect us from our obsession prone minds and He will stand guard over us. He want’s us to acknowledge Him and ask Him.

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.” John 14:15-17

Ask Him for protection and help! He will hear you. He will fill your mind and heart with things that will bring you joy and happiness. He will align your desires with God’s desires for yourself. He will give you what you pray for in faith. And you will be blessed. God is not against you. He is for you!

Lisa Sig.1

 

 

 

  • Wonderful article!!

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Thank you for all of your love and support Haley! <3

  • Elizabeth Williams

    I’m about to turn 23 and for some reason, I always thought I’d be married by this age, or at least be in a relationship. I never thought that I’d still be single! It is hard, but it’s an area where God is constantly growing me and changing me 🙂

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Elizabeth, I know how you feel. There are so many books and articles out there that try to help but in the end you just want to throw something! Well, the only thing I would like to say is to not give up on hoping and praying for your future husband. I know that God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams. The trick is learning how to live in that promise, knowing that, believing that, and trusting God to fulfill it in His timing. Blessings!!
      Much love,
      Lisa

  • Oluwatomi Aina

    Lovely article! I’m 22 years old, single and saved and I must say that the pressure to be in a relationship is real. I’m encouraged because I know that all things are bound to work together for my good because I love God and I’m called according to his purpose. Ultimately, above the desire to be married, young women must desire to live for God and please him in ALL things.
    Keep up the good work Lisa, I hope to read more inspiring articles from you. God bless

  • Kassandra Spitzer

    I relate so closely with this article. At 16, I told my Mom I wanted to be a housewife. She told me that was no life for a woman, but it’s truly what I wanted to do – it was my dream. It was the year I had my first “long” relationship, despite the six-year elementary school relationship (who I’m dating once again!) prior to that. I was set on the idea I was FINALLY going to get married. It was the year I got my first promise ring, and I was so excited for that adventure to begin, but I didn’t account for the hardships God knew I’d be facing and the relationship eventually fell. Months later, I entered a three-year relationship. After a year and a half, we were engaged, and I was sure this was the one! I started dating him at 17 in a long distance relationship, and by 19, we were set on true love – wedding date included. He was in a positioned where he couldn’t marry for a couple years, so it waited. If it hadn’t been for that, we’d be married and I’d never have the opportunity I have now with my Elementary school sweetheart – who, by the way, told his Mom he’d art me in the fourth grade. The three-year relationship was found around romance and left Christianity in the dust. My Dad was a pastor and I had always grown up religious, but this young man ha changed my mind one way or another. In the end, God new it wasn’t right and brought my current boyfriend back in the picture. He’s Christian with values far beyond those in my past, and I couldn’t be happier that I waited for this perfect man to come back into my life. After 6 years, and four lost in between, we are now on a steady path to a loving, Christian relationship. One year down, and many more to come.

    I wanted to get married at 16 and have a family, but at 18, I was diagnosed as infertile with little to no chance of ever having a child. So, thankfully, I was given the time to focus on the importance of loving myself and those around me, finding value in all that I do. I found my career choice and began strengthening my relationship with God, knowing only He had the power to know my future. I needed to put Him back in charge.

  • alli

    So tired of reading articles like this. I’m in my late 40s and divorced. These articles are for those those who have never been married. I would love to find a Godly man….and dont have years to wait. Sad.

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Alli, did you read the whole article? =)

  • Sharon MacGregor

    Thanks for this! as a 46 year old single, I NEVER thought I’d be single still at this age. I still found this article to be encouraging! I watched my best friend, who always wanted to get married – have a beautiful wedding, unfortunately to the wrong guy. She had a wedding, but not a marriage and the guy decided “he didn’t want to be married, nor try” after 6 months. She was devastated. She did not believe in divorce, and waited for him to serve her with papers which he finally did 7 years later. After being alone, and learning that God needs to be pursued and not just a relationship – she’s finally met someone else at 46 whom I believe she will marry. Anyway, I do have a desire to get married, and still have faith that I will meet someone – but I want it to be someone right.

    To all you who are in your 20s – I know it seems like everyone is getting married and you want to be a part of the crowd…. but don’t rush. About 50% of my friends – Christian friends – are divorced. Three of my friends from college who seemed like they were marrying the ideal guy (ministerial majors) later have told me of horrific stories of having to sneak out of their house with their children b/c the abuse was so terrible. Take my advice and get yourself right with God first, before worrying about marriage – ask him to send the right one to you!

    The only other advice I will give is to people who are married and have families. Single people are lonely, especially older ones. When you make the choice to be single, or get it thrust on you – unfortunately it also comes with not fitting in, always worrying about what you will do on weekends or holidays, not having a lot to celebrate – and lonely drives away from church on Sunday mornings. Adds to the feeling that you are subpar, worthless – even though you are not! The church could make a huge difference to singles by including them. Invite a single person to lunch after church with your family – they would love to be included! If you are having a group over, invite a couple of the singles! They are people, and crave relationships and fellowship too! As for me, I love hanging out wiht all people…singles, couples, families etc… I just appreciate feeling included! You never know what a difference a small invite can make to a lonely person!