When I was younger I was nailed to the idea that I would be married by age 16 and have my first adorable baby at age 18. I was so excited to grow up and meet my future husband and marry him. I told all of my family and friends that I wanted to get married at 16 and they would giggle and say “good luck”. I held on to my dream and wished upon every star and dandelion weed that God would give me a husband to marry. Every boy I met I would “romanticize” my life with him. I would match my first name with his last name and write it out on paper to see what it would look like. (Who hasn’t done that, right?)
Well, when I turned 15, Mr. Charming came into the picture. He was perfect. Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, and even 3 years older than me. We began talking on a regular basis and he even asked me for my phone number. While he was away on work we would text back and forth and eventually even got permission from my parents to have once a week phone calls.
This was working! If we kept it up, at this rate I could have the dreamy “age 16” wedding that I had always wished for. Oh, there really was a God in heaven! I was the definition of a girl in love. I sang all day and began planning my wedding. When I got to see the young man we talked and laughed and had grand times (regardless of the fact that we had never announced our feelings for one another. I had just assumed he liked me if he texted me all day and called me, and told me I was his best friend).
Then, the worst possible thing happened to my dream.
After a year and a half of our “perfect relationship” Mr. Charming stopped talking to me. We didn’t talk when we saw each other any more. He stopped texting me and started talking to another girl. He had moved on but it took me quite a while to get over the crushing feeling inside. When I turned 17 I cried. I still wasn’t married. (So silly, I know!)
I look back at this story and laugh now. I was so silly and so naive. I was obsessed with an idea that I had created in my little heart and was bent on making it come true. I thought, “if God loves me, He will make my dream come true”. When that didn’t happen I was crushed. I had a rough 2 years following this heart break. I had a hard time believing that God really wanted what was best for me, that He would make me happy and that I could trust Him with my heart.
Even though this story is silly and meant to be lighthearted it has a big message behind it.
In this romanticized, sexualized culture having a relationship is viewed as one of your most important, meaningful accomplishments in life. If you are single, well… you’re just not as great. Singles hear and accept this message too. They feel less than. They feel alone, abandoned and insecure because of not having someone to be in love with.
We make an idol out of relationships and having someone to complete us in life. Even though we are Christian singles and we know that we are supposed to be complete in Christ and that we can trust God, we still are latched on to the fact that we are not as valuable to society and to our friend circle because we are single. We can’t avoid the fact that this culture is relationship obsessed.
Wanting to be married and having a family is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact it is the best thing you could ever ask for or desire. I don’t want you to give up on this dream. Don’t give up on the idea of marriage. Continue praying for it and asking for it in faith. But don’t build your security or identity around the idea of love and marriage.
Becoming a wife will not make you a better person. Being married will not make you more valuable. Having a husband will not secure your future. God will make you a better person, God has made you as valuable as His only Son, and you already have a secured future in Christ.
This isn’t another post about being content while you are single.
This is about recognizing what the culture is trying to feed you and combating the widespread obsession that has taken over societies way of viewing singles. What do you see when you scroll through Pinterest, Facebook, magazines, and other news feeds? What do you see or hear when you watch movies and listen to music? Love, sex, weddings, couples, marriage posts, and more. Not all of these are bad but it definitely portrays a deceptive pattern. Relationships are for the people who are awesome, cool, modern, beautiful, sexy, smart and successful.
What does that make single people then? You see where this is all going? We have become obsessed with relationships. It seems like it is very easy to become obsessed with things today, movies, social media, people, lifestyles, anything but the Creator of those things.
We need to shift our focus! The things or people that we become obsessed with will fade away. The life we live will be gone someday. Everything we will have worked for, dreamed of having, strived to achieve, will be gone. Only Jesus will remain. So why are we investing so much time and thought into the things that will only fail us in the end? Because we are not secure and complete in the One thing that will bring us peace and security because we have not invested our mind and thought and dream life in it long enough to see the effects!
When Mr. Charming stopped talking to me I stopped talking to God. I was depressed, insecure, brokenhearted, distrusting, and to be honest, disappointed in God. Disappointed that He failed me. That He didn’t make my dreams come true. What I didn’t realize in my 17-year-old mind was that that guy was wrong for me. He was soooo wrong for me!
I’m glad God didn’t give me what I so desperately wanted!
I think a lot of us feel this way after sometime of not receiving what we thought would make us the happiest. Some of us are still mad that God hasn’t blessed us with our heart’s desires. All of this is confusion and a result of our self sin nature. Nothing new. We all have doubts, we all have sadness, fear, regret, shame.
One thing that we do know, is that Jesus cares for us. Why else would He chose to nail our sins, our debts, our shortcomings, our failures to the hands and feet of His perfect, innocent Son then tell us that we are valuable to Him after that? Why else did Jesus give up His place in heaven so that we could have a relationship with Him!? Why aren’t we obsessed with that fact?
Jesus says: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10
He want’s you to have the perfect relationship with Him. He is with you all the time even when we are feeling distant from Him.
A great way to overcome obsession over the things of the world, the overwhelming desires of our hearts that become gods in our lives, and the desire to have things our own way is to remember that God gave us a helper. When Jesus rose from the dead and returned to Heaven He didn’t leave us with just the remembrance of Himself. He left His Spirit with us. The perfect helper, conqueror, coach, mediator, ad intercessor! All we have to do is call on the Holy Spirit to protect us from our obsession prone minds and He will stand guard over us. He want’s us to acknowledge Him and ask Him.
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.” John 14:15-17
Ask Him for protection and help! He will hear you. He will fill your mind and heart with things that will bring you joy and happiness. He will align your desires with God’s desires for yourself. He will give you what you pray for in faith. And you will be blessed. God is not against you. He is for you!