Being Outgoing With Guys Without Being a Flirt

Being Outgoing With Guys Without Being a Flirt

Here he comes, Mr. Wonderful is walking towards you. He is everything you’ve waited for. He is handsome, he plays on your father’s worship team, he has an endearing smile, and he knows your name. But what will you do to make sure he likes you back? To secure a friendship (or even better: a relationship!) with him?

I know that this seems like a silly scenario but honestly, how many times have we all had that fleeting feeling when we notice a guy we like? Sometimes, we condemn ourselves for feeling this way because we are supposed to leave all of that romance stuff up to God and our parents.

But are we to just sit back and let the guy do all the hard work of figuring out if we are worth pursuing or not? 

Are we to be standoffish, quiet and discreetly shy until he proposes? I would like to say forthrightly, NO! While I do agree that women are not to be the main instigators in a relationship I do NOT agree that the men should have to be the ones to navigate around the game of “hard to get” for every young Christian maiden. I also do not think that girls should be flirtatious and brazen around the boys to make them lustful and excited.

Well then Lisa, you may be asking, where is the balance?!

I propose that we return to the way our beautiful grandmothers treated the men in their “courting days”, when women were femininely outgoing without being flirtatious. Weird? Nope. Trust me on this one girl. There are some good pointers and tips that we can collect from the good old days. Why do we have to go back to the old days for tips on how to act around guys, you may ask? I think you can easily answer that one on your own… 4 words: 50 Shades of Grey. Yeah, it won’t hurt to revisit the past. In fact, you may find it quite refreshing.

 How can we be femininely outgoing without being flirtatious? 

I have made a collection of ideas of how you can be open, feminine, and friendly with our guy friends without being loud, brazen, flirty, and rude. I hope you can remember these the next time you are out at a social event. I can’t promise that these will be fool-proof husband catchers, but seriously, they are fun and worth a try.


  • Leave room for a little mystery: When we are with our guy friends it’s easy to be shy, but when we do open up we should never be too revealing of ourselves. Leave a little room for mystery. Don’t be too cliché like other girls or too predictable. You can do this by remembering to be discreet-even if you’re really excited.
  • Return questions-but not too many: When your guy friend asks you a question it’s polite to answer sweetly and then return a question if you see that he doesn’t have another question to ask. This will keep the conversation flowing nicely. It also shows that you are interested in talking with him as opposed to if you were to remain quiet-he wouldn’t really know whether he should continue talking to you or not.
  • Be a beautiful servant: Whether you are at a church event, have friends over at your house, at another friend’s house, or at a BBQ, try to be available to bless your friends-including the guys. When you go to get a drink of water ask your guy friends-and other friends, if they would like a drink too. Ask if you can brink them a snack, ask if they are comfortable if they are at your house, ect. Just be available to bless. This shows that you care for others needs while also showing off your sweet side.
  • Be unique: Guys don’t like it when girls copy each other. I would know. I have 4 brothers and I get a lot of advice from them! Boys like to see girls being happy and content with who they are. They like seeing a unique girl who is confident in herself and who God made her to be. So be different. You don’t need to glean from other girl’s fashion or behavior-be yourself. It’s extremely attractive.
  • Propose interacting ideas: So, when you are sitting around and don’t like that the guys are talking with just guys and the girls are talking with just girls, don’t be afraid to change the atmosphere. Suggest taking a walk, going to lunch, or something that will cause everyone to start interacting with everyone. Encourage good communication. Encourage games and friendly ideas that will inspire others to be themselves. This will show off your leadership qualities and proves that you are comfortable with doing un-ordinary things to break the mold.
  • Be well spoken: Guys like to see a girl’s intellectual side by studying their communication skills. If we are too shy to talk, chances are that when we do talk we will be too nervous to sound like our normal, smart selves! Learn how to talk confidently and with grace. You already are incredible and smart, it’s okay to let it show. Be gentle, sweet and kind but also be sound, influential, and gracefully opinionated. You are awesome!


  • Do not laugh loud: Girls, when we are having a great time and feel like we are on top of the game today we can get a little carried away. Don’t get carried away though. Stick to your normal intelligent character. Don’t be like the obnoxious girls who HAVE to have all the attention ad get it by being louder and “seeming” to have more fun than anyone else. Don’t over voice anyone or laugh loud. Guys don’t like that. They may think it’s cute for a moment but it actually aggravates them. It shows that you think to highly of yourself. Have a sweet character and a sweet, gentle laugh. You don’t have to be prude, but don’t be brazen either.
  • Don’t talk about yourself: Don’t make every topic of conversation about yourself. I know that it can happen accidentally but that is because we are trying to get attention so we always have to have the topic pointing to ourselves. But nobody likes a selfish girl who only talks about her life. Instead, ask others about their lives.
  • Don’t text or get on your phone: The one thing that I know that guys can’t stand is when they are trying to converse with a girl and she tries to (unintentionally sometimes) act like she doesn’t care about his company because she doesn’t want to look really single, so she gets on her phone-AKA automatic portal to a different life. Don’t do that. Don’t text or check notifications or get on social media to seem busier than you really are. Focus on the person who is talking and share the interest. You don’t look really single, you look sweet and friendly.
  • Don’t over do your makeup: I’ve been told by several guys that they appreciate the fact that I don’t overload on makeup. I’ve been told that it’s hard to talk to a girl who has a ton of eye makeup or lipstick on. While makeup has it’s wonderful, helpful ups, it also has its downs. One of its downs is that is discourages guys from holding a conversation with a girl for very long. It’s hard to stare at all the covering up of skin. It doesn’t seem natural so it’s a bit uncomfortable. I’m not telling you to change or ditch makeup completely but don’t over do it either.
  • Don’t stalk him on social media: So, after you meet an awesome guy and exchange words, don’t rush home to find him on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Google+! Don’t stalk him and read through all of his history. Let him request you as a friend and leave the poor guy alone until you get to know him a little better.
  • You should never be grabby: I know it’s hard to resist a little flirting and playful banter with guys. But you need to try to control those urges to grab this guy “before anyone else does”! He will appreciate you much more if you are a wonderful friend who understands that he is the guy. You are the girl. If he likes you, he will pursue the relationship. If not, at least you are great friends and you weren’t the girl who tried every possible way to get his attention only to end in awkward disappointment.

This article is to help and inspire you to be open and friendly towards your guy friends. Many girls get too worried or shy around men and there is no need to be if you are confident in your womanhood. Tell yourself that you are smart, beautiful, and important to God. The way you see yourself will eventually become the way others will see you.

There were only a few tips here on how to be femininely outgoing with guys but I’m sure you have your own ideas/tips! If so, would you mind sharing in the comments what helps you be friendly with your guy friends without being too flirty?

I look forward to hearing your responses and thoughts on the above mentioned ideas! God bless.

  • Courting should totally be brought back to popularity! There’s a lot of things from the “good old days” that I feel we need to revive.

  • Elizabeth Williams

    I love this list! Me and my friend were just talking about this the other day. Too many girls are trying to chase guys and it’s so annoying! But at the same time, that can make you feel like you can’t even talk to guys because you don’t want to come off as flirt like so many others. But I read on another blog some tips and it really helped me put some things in perspective. For one, treat the guy as someone else’s future husband. I also always like to think of it this way “If I had a boyfriend, and he were sitting right across from me, would I be awkward or even ashamed with how I’m interacting with this guy?” Also, interact with guys in groups, never in private.

  • Gem

    check your heart’s intention 🙂 it’s one of the things that we need to be cleared about 🙂 if we know the reason/s why we talk or meet guy/s it’ll help us to be more friendly and not flirty 🙂 and may our reasons bring Glory to the Lover of our Souls..Jesus 🙂 God bless everyone! <3

  • Threzer Alando

    Be open to building true friendships coz you get to marry your bestfriend and take it slow coz there is no need to rush when it comes to finding love and ensuring that you are in alignment with God’s plan in your lives.Finally always share God’s love

  • Marlee

    This is something I’ve struggled with in every day life! Growing up in a small town, being homeschooled, and my closest sibling in age a brother – I’ve ALWAYS hung out with “the boys” and preferred it over girls. But as I get older I’m afraid of seeming like I’m flirting or trying to get attention when we meet new people and I’m always with my brother (who is with the guys) and I join the conversation. I’ve also started to notice that as my brother (who is younger) has started to lose the boy look and become quite handsome, it is awkward for him when I’m hanging out with girls and he’s with me. I can never tell whether the other girls “like” him or not….but my protective instinct comes out and I’d prefer to hope I’m not coming off as flirting with a group of guys than put him through a bunch of girls who might be flirting! Such a difficult world we live in…. 😛

  • Neema Estherlyn

    i love this…especially on giving space, so helpful.

  • Becky H

    I have a naturally loud laugh–it’s nothing I put on, just how it comes out a lot of the time. Do you think guys are turned away by that? I’ve had so many people comment on how loud I am, when I didn’t even realize I was being loud (I was just excited and carried away with my volume). Could guys be mistaking my natural enthusiasm for a facade, an attempt to get them to notice me?