In today’s society it seems as though singleness is a curse. Our world portrays singleness as a condition of loneliness, doomed to the unfortunate. But I challenge this notion by saying that one can be single, and not be lonely. When you’re busy pursuing the kingdom, you don’t have time to be lonely.
If we are not careful, singleness can challenge our self-worth because of thoughts like… “if I’m not in a relationship then whats wrong with me?” Since when did a relationship status determine our value?
Truth is..we get wrapped up in the status quo because our society is all about “bae”, or having a man. We are constantly reminded through music, movies, tv shows, commercial holidays and even through our friends that we are missing out.
This is a device that the enemy uses to take our focus off of the truth. Its straight up propaganda!
We forgot our purpose here is not to meet a mate or for the opposite sex to make us happy. First of all, happiness is an emotion that is fleeting… and it’s too much pressure on one person to be responsible for our happiness. Secondly, we are not here for one another’s pleasure. We are here for His glory.
Granted if He intended for us to be with someone, happiness will be a benefit of the relationship that seeks to do things God’s way.
See…even when we are with someone, it’s still not about us or that person. It’s about He who is worthy. We belong to Him.
The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Therefore, He wants to rob our contentment in God; destroy our relationship with God and kill our spirit’s intention or desire to please God. So how does he try to accomplish this? Well, he insidiously glorify these relationships as it is our ultimate goal in achieving true happiness. Therefore, we consequently develop an unhealthy desire to be in a relationship because of what we see and what we hear..every movie is focused on relationships (most of which are ungodly relationships that we wouldn’t want anyway because of the call on our lives), almost every song is focused on lust of the flesh.
We have this deep yearning to be with someone just because. As a result, we chase this dream of happiness we believe it will bring us to the point we are even willing to compromise or settle.
Therefore we make relationships an idol. You may say, how did I make a relationship an idol.
What if it’s a good relationship? Well If God tells us there is a season that He does not want us in one..we may question God. We challenge God and worst, we don’t trust God. We forget that He knows whats best. We forget that his plans for our lives are good (Jeremiah 29:11). We forget that His thought and His ways are higher than our finite minds (Isaiah 55:9). We forget that He is sovereign. We start pursuing God for His hand and not His heart. The word teaches us to seek first the kingdom and all these things will be added (Matt 6:33). Remember God knows our heart. We can’t run games on God. He knows when we just trying to get something out of Him.
We think, well God don’t want me to be happy. Look, first and foremost He is a jealous God. He said I am your God and you should have no other gods beside me (Exodus 20:3). Seeking satisfaction and fulfillment in someone or something else goes against that.
Well, you may say, you’re going too deep..I’m not making a relationship my god. What’s wrong with not wanting to be alone?
Nothing, unless that desire is placed above God. Then its just an idol. Listen, anything good can turn into an idol if our desire for that thing is in the place of God. Whether that thing be a relationship, a job, school, our kids, whatever..if it comes before what God calls us to do..it’s an idol. When a relationship consumes you when you’re in it, when satisfying your flesh is more important than kingdom work, when it serves no purpose or when God tells you to let go and you hold on, then baby girl, its an idol.
I know this because I’ve been there. I had a hard time accepting this..because I was in denial. I couldn’t trust God for 10 years with a desire I claimed He gave me because I idolized the idea of a relationship. I thought.. well God you put these desires in my heart.. if that was true then I should have no problem letting go and trusting Him when He asks me to. But my desire to be in this relationship became greater than my desire to please God in this area. So what happened, fear began to take root without me realizing it. I began to believe the lies that the enemy fed me. As a result I was disobedient.
Sis, we have to guard our hearts. Now more than ever, when we don’t do that, we begin to distance ourselves from God and worst we harbor seeds of resentment and we become angry at God when we see others around us that is not serving Him like we think we are, yet they have what we want. The word says, do not covet your neighbor’s things (Exodus 20:17). He said that because His plans for us is separate from our neighbor’s. We need to focus on our own purpose. God is sovereign. What He has for you is for you. You won’t be able to compare it to your neighbors.
Truth is.. life is not about a relationship with the opposite sex. It is about a relationship with our creator.
That is the greatest love of all. Heaven and earth will pass away (Matt 24:35). If we can’t come to terms with God being the love of our life and being content with just Him and accept that He alone is enough..then we will never be truly happy. Single or not. We’ll always be searching..we’ll be disappointed because that relationship that we thought would be everything won’t bring us the fulfillment and that longing we desperately thought it would. You know why? It’s because it was not designed to fulfill us completely and it never will. God won’t allow it.
We will end up destroying the relationship that God finally does establish for us because of our unrealistic expectations and the pressure we put on someone else to fill void that was meant for God.
Sis…you are so much greater, Trust God and focus on your assignment. If it is God’s intention to connect you with someone, then it still won’t be about you..its about His glory. Until we understand that and until we accept that, He will make us wait because of the value He has on our lives. And if we are too desperate to wait, we will enter something that He never ordained..then end up getting mad at God, and beg Him to fix it. We have a lot to learn.
His timing is perfect.
God is molding me ladies. I have finally come to terms with the fact that the Lord is all I want, everything else can wait. Does that mean my desire for a family is gone? Honestly, no. But I am at the place that if it’s not His plans for me, I am okay with it. But He will have to take those desires away.
I want what God wants for my life. So now, my desires to marry do not consume me. Now my desire is to please Him. My desire for His love is greater than my desire to be in love.
I now am in love with Love Himself.
I belong to Him! And if He decides that its time to connect me with my Boaz, I will be able to recognize him.
Thanks ladies, I pray this blessed you. I pray that this touched your heart and convicted your spirit. Our Father longs to be with you. He alone is enough. No man, no job, not even your kids can replace that. Till next time, God is crazy in love with you!
Valerie Valcourt has recklessly abandoned everything she held on to so that she can desperately and passionately pursue God for who He is. She considers her self a work in progress. Clay being molded in the potter’s hands. She is an educator and a student. She is currently pursuing a Doctoral degree in Educational leadership, while working as an academic coach for elementary teachers. She has a heart for empowering people to feel competent and confident. She has recently started a blog called The King and I to document her journey of being restored. Lovestory1986.wordpress.com