What’s a Girl to do When God Forgets to Write Her Love Story?


What’s a Girl to do When God Forgets to Write Her Love Story?

I grew up reading (and rereading) the insanely popular relationship books on courtship and dating. Titles like, “When God Writes Your Love Story,” “When Dreams Come True,” “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” “Boy Meets Girl” and several others were well worn books on my bookshelf.

As a 14,15,16 and 17 year old girl I was gung ho on board with the idea of “leaving the pen in God’s hands.”

I trusted God big time. I wanted Him to write my love story. I wanted Him to show off in a mighty way in my love life.

I was a “leave the pen in God’s hands” groupie like none other.

Year after year after year went by and I was still holding on to my teenage dreams. I believed that, at any moment, God would bring Prince Charming along and everyone would “oooh and awww” at how beautiful God had penned my love story.

Well…several more years have gone by and I’m now facing my 27th birthday, utterly and totally single.

Questions have started churning through my mind. Has God forgotten me? Has He lost the pen? Has He forgotten that I am the perfect candidate for a God-written love story? Has He forgotten that I soooo desire to get married…like yesterday?

As I thought through my past, present and future, I decided to pull out my journal and get my heart on paper. I wanted to sort through my thoughts and figure out what went wrong.

Here’s what came out:

“I’ve been thinking. Like a lot. When it comes to my future (marriage, future husband, etc.) am I trusting God with my life because of what I think God might give me in return? Am I praying, serving, and remaining pure because I genuinely love God? Or, am I doing those things in hopes of what I think God might give back? Am I feeling disappointed, at times, because my future didn’t line up according to my expectations?”

Before I share the next part of my journal writings with you, I want to expound on that first part. I have a feeling many of your girls can relate to what I am about to share.

I’ve slowly, but surely, been realizing just how wrong my thinking has been about God, romance, and obedience to Him.

When I read through those relationship books as a teen girl, I found it easy and exciting to want to leave my love story and future in God’s hands. I wanted Him to have the pen. I wanted my future to unfold in a way that I would know God was working.

Little did I know that deep in my heart there was a big, unknown, lurking expectation.

Looking back, I now realize that I one-hundred percent expected God to write my love story according to my hidden dreams and ideals.

I believed that marriage was God’s best choice for my life (God surely knew I was sooooo not cut out to be single long-term) and I trusted that He would make marriage happen no later than 23-24 years old. At the late, late, latest!

Marriage needed to be a part of His best love story for my life.

I now totally realize where my thinking and expectations went wrong. When I read through those books as a teen I said “yes” to God having the pen in His hand, but I secretly wanted to control it. I wanted Him to write what I wanted, not what He knew was best for my life.

Are any of you guilty of wanting to control the hand that holds the pen?

As I go into my 27th birthday, I’ve decided that I don’t want to be a controlling girl anymore. I want to fully give God control and freedom to write my love story (aka life story) however He sees fit.

He’s God. I’m not. I can fully trust Him. You can fully trust Him. His plan truly is best.

The title of this article expresses how many single girls are feeling. I can’t encourage you enough to take a step back and realize that God hasn’t forgotten you.

He is writing your love story.  He’s writing out His best plan according to His will, not your own. He is doing what He thinks is best.

I’ve seen many girls grow anxious, upset, bitter, and angry because their story didn’t get penned the way they wanted it to. I don’t want that to happen to me and I’m sure you don’t want that to happen to you.

I want to have the joy and radiance of a girl who loves her Savior and totally trusts in Him to write her story however He sees fit.

Before we finish, let me share the rest of my journal entry with you.

“God, please help me to fix my thinking. I don’t want to be a doer of good, solely in hopes of what I might get. I don’t want to remain pure, work in ministry, dress modestly, study my Bible, and pray, because of what I hope you will give me in return. I want to do those things because I genuinely love you and trust you. God, I know that your plan is SO much better than mine. Your story for my life is sooo much better than anything I could dream of. Help me to leave the pen *and control* in your hand.”

If you can relate to my journal entries in any way, I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.

Please feel free to make that last journal entry the prayer of your heart as well. God hasn’t forgotten you. He hasn’t looked over you. He has the pen and is writing Your story. You (like me) just need to let go of the pen and fully trust and rejoice in the story He is choosing to write for your life.

His story is so much better than the one we could write.

I can honestly say that God’s story for my life has totally blown me away. It hasn’t included a guy (yet) but it’s been an amazing ride and I wouldn’t change it one bit. I am excited about my future and I can’t even imagine what my 27th year will hold. God has written an incredible story for my life and I pray that I’ll can continue to leave the control in His hands.

I challenge you to choose to serve Him wholeheartedly, knowing that He will write a much better story than you could ever write. If you will fully trust in Him, you will experience life and joy in a way you’ve never experienced before (whether a guy is in the picture or not.)

Will you join me in leaving the pen and control in God’s hands?

  • Amanda M. Jeane

    I am there with you – at 33 I know and trust being married is a desire of my heart He has given – but I don’t know when or how – I just trust the journey with Him. Good days and bad days come – but I would rather have 5 years with the man God has for me than 20 with mr ok because I couldn’t wait and trust. Details are God’s timing not mine. 🙂

    • Awesome perspective, Amanda! Thank you for sharing. We will keep you in our prayers. God bless!

  • Elizabeth Williams

    This is the best post! It really gets you thinking! Thanks so much, Bethany!

    • We really loved it too. We’re happy it blessed you in some way! =)

  • Ericka Cabrera

    Well said! I can totally relate to all that is mentioned here, as I’m also facing my 27th birthday in a couple of months and I very much so desire to have a love story written by God. In the same way I’ve realized that I too wanted to think God was in control but I still held on to the pen myself when all God wanted of me was my heart! I trust and believe now that my greatest purpose is to be His and be loved by Him and I too trust that His story for me is much greater than anything I could ever dream of!

    • Amen! His plan will always be better than ours! We are so happy this post encouraged you. Keep up the good work, girl! God bless! =)

  • Jasmine “BushMaid” Ruigrok

    This is so good… Thankyou so much for sharing your heart and this part of your journey. This is something God has been teaching me this year, and it’s been an incredibly freeing thing to look at my future without my own expectations or desires clouding the view. Though I can’t see what God is doing with my life yet, there is a peace in knowing it’s all in His hands, not mine. If I can glorify Him better single than I can if I’m married, I would stay single the rest of my life. My heart will always have that yearning, and the sweet wondering of what could’ve been, but I know even that will be fulfilled in eternity. God is good, and He truly knows best, even when we don’t understand. We will see one day.

    • We are so glad this post blessed you, Jasmine. You have a wonderful outlook on God’s plan for your life. I know God will truly bless you for listening to His voice and seeking His will above your own. God bless!
      -Lisa

  • Kristi Johnson Myllymaki

    Amen. Truly a God-centered posting. Like you, I read – “When God Writes Your Love Story” and others and was encouraged to wait – – – but often got frustrated and impatient, taking back the pen or trying to direct it in the way I thought it best should go. Ultimately, I trusted God and followed Him – gained SO much from ministry and Bible Study and leadership of His doing. Then, when His time was right, He brought an amazing widower (yup a guy who lost his first wife to cancer) and his 4 (yup 4!) kids into my life. We married when I was 43 and although God had grown me up SO much before that, I had SO much more to grow. He knew the plans He had for me and saw them through and continues to do so – – when the way is smooth and often oh so bumpy. Didn’t always understand why I had to be single so long – but wouldn’t change anything now – – except to go back and tell my younger self – “Keep your eyes on Him and let Him direct your path and enjoy the blessings!” Love to all! (I am now 50 and have been married 7 years.)

    • Wow, Kristi! This is an amazing testimony. Thank you so much for sharing. God’s ways are truly so much better than ours! I hope and pray that God will continue to bless you for obeying and trusting in Him. God bless!
      -Lisa

      • Kristi Johnson Myllymaki

        Thank you Lisa for your honest and straightforward writing. (I shared it on my FB page.) We are in this together! Praying for your journey also! God’s Peace, Kristi

  • Christopher K.

    I’m 26 and I’m a single Christian guy and I think it’s absolutely fantastic that you Christian women are sharing your hearts by writing great things like this. It is very honorable and highly respectable that you are glorifying the Lord in this website by letting people look into your hearts and helping others who are going through the same things.
    If I could give perhaps a male perspective and I would definitely say I whole heartedly agree with everything you say. Guys definitely aren’t as open books as women are but I’m sure deep down alot of men feel the same way. I know for myself that I feel like I’m never going to have the God-honoring relationship that your seeking as well and that God has forgotten about you. You see everyone else in relationships and or married already and you feel out of the loop.
    But like 1 Cor. 7 says we are suppose to honor the Lord and focus soley on that during our time of singleness. Thank you for writing this and for all you great Christian women who just love the Lord and love serving Him.

  • Elizabeth

    I’m an 18 year old girl that is in the same worm out pair of shoes as you were once in. I say worn out because like you, I’ve been chasing my dreams that I wish God had planned for me. But as I look around me right now, I know this is not what I ever envisioned for myself. I never visioned myself being academically dismissed from my top college choice freshman year. Yet that is exactly where I am tonight. You see I had a set amount of dreams for myself to reach: get an honors diploma in high school, have a rockin’ gpa, and go to school to become an architect. Honestly, that is still my dream. But my other dream was to finally have a boyfriend. Being a teenage girl and never having a boyfriend at all,especially never being kissed by 18 is like seeing a shooting star; you’ve heard of it, you know it exists, but it’s so unusual…I’m not ashamed that I’ve never had a boyfriend because it makes me, me. It has just gotten harder to deal with when you think that you finally find someone who you think that they are meant to be in your life. Fill that blank space position and be everything that you think they can be. But then it crumbles before you over, over and over. I know now that the reason my grades had gotten so bad was because I had gotten so wrapped up in the dream of finding that first handsome guy to call mine, in the way of what I was supposed to be focused on…. I think the worst part, besides leaving my school, was that he just decided to walk away from me when I needed support the most. I would like to say that it doesn’t hurt at all and I’m more confident than ever, but I would be lying. I don’t want to lie. This one guy that I keep mentioning was my friend, a friend that I meet while being down there, who was almost the complete opposite of me in every way especially religion. I guess I just don’t know understand why I feel like my life flipped upside down and he is still there in school, with our friends…but I’m back at home, praying till my head is full of tears and my heart is bruised from all the things I put myself through. I want to give up the pen, the shoes, the control. I do trust in God whole heartedly! I just don’t know if I’ve let go completely or not.

  • Sandra

    Aww.. Such a lovely write up. Your story reminds me a lot of myself, in the sense that I want to be in control and handing a list of criteria for my future spouse to God. Thanks for reminding me that God should be the one in control, and I should accept His chosen one in His timing for He knows the best for me.

  • Gosh this is so true! I am in the same exact place. I’m turning 27 in a month and all these same thoughts have started to enter my mind, but at the same time I can feel myself starting to crave Jesus more than a relationship with a guy. It’s a strange feeling, kind of, but it also feels so good!

  • Abbi Calhoun

    This is so helpful. I know I am a bit young to be worrying about being single forever. However, in my family most women have babies and get married before twenty and I will be twenty in August with no relationship history or a fiancée. This has also helped me because I have attempted to give it to God with the wrong intentions, and I have struggled to pray about it. Your post has helped find a prayer that my heart can relate to, a prayer with the right intentions. Thank you so much for sharing your journal entry with me and the rest of the girls out there. I know that it isn’t easy to share personal thoughts but I am thankful that somebody who could relate to my worries was not afraid to share.

  • Thubz23

    AMAZING. I had this exact conversation with Jesus last night. I shared about how I have been doing the “right” thing and keeping myself pure and focusing and trusting Him and 7 years later – alas – no husband. So I vented at him about where my “payback” (I know, who does that??) was for being a “good, christian girl” with morals. I pray to submit wholly to what God has, I thought I had but clearly I havent – I need to really pray about this,

  • Carla Punzalan

    Thank you for sharing your article. I must say that i can really relate to this. I’m already 32 and never been in a romantic relationship. I trust God and his perfect timing, but sometimes it makes me think and question on when will my love story as written by Him will happen. Your article reminded me to trust Him more and more than anyone, He has the best plans for me. God bless.