When “Relationship Goals” first became a thing I thought it was pretty cute. There are images of couples doing really cute, funny things together with the caption “relationship goals”. They are quite popular with everyone it seems. From pictures of couples kissing and holding each other, doing cute poses, to being super awkward and funny together. While the idea is cute and the sentiment is sweet, it’s not what we as godly young girls should be looking to for our advice on how real relationships look.
I said that I thought it was cute at first but my mindset quickly changed. First of all, the pictures and ideas that the “relationship goals” try to portray are fake. They make you feel bad. If you are not a super cute, super relatable, modern, couple, then you should not exist in the relationship world. Basically, that is the mindset behind the relationship goals agenda. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a fake relationship with love and affection only based on trying to look good and fitting in.
I realized that real, lasting, meaningful relationships are not based on how cute or adorable you look in your Facebook pictures.
It’s more than trying to be the picture perfect couple. Real relationships start and end with putting the other person first. Romance is not hugging and kissing and being affectionate with someone who says they love you. Romance (the way God designed it to be) is being in love with someone who loves you as much as Jesus does and is willing to put you first by loving you through the good and the bad.
In light of all of this I’ve written up 10 “Real Relationship Goals” that should inspire you to look for reality in your relationship. And don’t worry if you’re not the perfect godly couple either. God does not put unrealistic expectations on us and neither should we put unrealistic expectations on our relationships or ourselves.
Real Relationship Goals #1:
Reading and Praying Together– Every godly couple who are seeking to pursue a relationship together the way God intended should be continually encouraging one another in the Word and in Prayer. Pushing each other closer to the Lord is the most selfless thing you could do for each other. It’s saying “Not only do I care about your spiritual walk with the Lord, but I love you enough to know that in order to love you better I need to seek the Lord and I will let you take time away to seek Him as well.”
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #2:
Loving But Not Needing Each Other– It’s good to be in love with someone as long as you are not needing them to fulfill needs that only God should be fulfilling in your life. For instance, if you enter into a relationship thinking that it will fix all of your problems, (loneliness, depression, emptiness, worry, lack of security, ect.) then you will be depending on them to be a certain way, do certain things and be there for you 24/7. Maybe you think that won’t happen or that you will never feel that way; but I guarantee you that it will if you are not secure in Christ.
You have heard the term “needy” and maybe you’ve determined to never be that way. But there will be areas where you expect to find true happiness in your relationship only to find out that that person is not perfect (no matter how much you love them) and you will see that ONLY God can truly fill ALL of your needs. Don’t become needy. Continue to look to Christ for your needs and happiness even AFTER you’ve entered a relationship.
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #3:
Get Married- Whoa, I bet you weren’t expecting that one! I don’t encourage relationships that are “just for fun”. People who date just because they like each other are just fooling themselves. You can’t say, “Oh we are pretty good friends so we decided to date.” In a relationship, you are giving away your heart, maybe not a whole lot at first but you are caring about someone and feeling love and affection for them. That means you are contributing to the relationship. To me, if you are not committing a future to the person you are dating then you shouldn’t even bother dating just for the sake of having fun.
A real man and a real woman will stay away from having relationships with people they do not foresee having a marriage with. They save their hearts, minds, and bodies for the one special person who God will reveal to them at the right time for the right reason.
If you think you know that person is the one, then work towards marriage, don’t play games and mess around. God loves it when marriage is more important than looking good or having fun.
Get married, raise a family, and grow old together…Now that’s a relationship goal!
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #4:
Write Each Other Love Letters- Not only is this sweet and endearing, it really forces you to think about things to say to your love. It forces you to really search your heart to think deeply about this other person and what they really mean to you. You aren’t in direct conversation with them so you can’t joke around and you aren’t texting. So it really helps you filter through what you get to say to the person you love. It will bring you so much closer!
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #5:
Sacrifice Your Time Alone Together To Spend Time With Each Other’s Families- When you’re in a serious relationship all you want to do is be alone with that person. But it’s not good to always be alone since it makes you think you can do certain things that couples usually do when they’re alone (i.e.make out ect.
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #6:
Strong Communication Skills- So, this one is tricky. You can take this point 2 ways: the good way or the immature way. Immature people will think, “Oh, he/she and I have great communication skills, we are so much alike!”. Wrong. Married people can confirm what I am about to say.
No matter how close you are, you both will always be needing to work on communication. This goes along with being yourself. Tell them exactly what’s on your mind. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. If one of you prefers to stay home instead of going on a date, tell them. If he/she is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable or upset in any way, don’t just stuff it down, tell them. If you aren’t getting enough time to be alone or in the Word, tell him/her.
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #7:
Being Comfortable With Each Other- When you are in love it’s important to know in your heart that you can be completely and unashamedly comfortable around that person. You should be able to be yourself, laugh, talk, love each other through awkward times, fun times, sad times, and difficult times. If the other person makes you feel comfortable enough to be yourself with them all the time then you’ve found a winner!
It’s an incredible gift if you are in a situation that makes you feel uneasy and that other person eases your mind and reminds you of who you really are. Strive to encourage, help and support each other, this helps you acquire trust and establishes a beautiful friendship built to last.
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #8:
Loving Unconditionally- Loving someone without conditions before you’re married can be tricky. Are we supposed to love without anything in return, give without receiving, and bless even if we aren’t being blessed in return? Yes and no. If the person you are dating is only loving you on conditions that they come up with then you probably don’t want to marry into that but if you are both loving each other with a holy love as Christ loves then I would encourage you to be selfless in your relationship.
Count each other’s dreams and desires as equally important as yours. If either of you is having a stressful day don’t be upset if they aren’t as lovey dovey as they normally are, let them rest. Trust is a huge part of loving someone unconditionally, if you are in a serious relationship it’s going to be hard to trust that other person with your heart. It will be hard to trust the guy to lead you because it’s scary. But if we love Christ in him then God will give us the courage to trust the man who He has chosen for you. Pray about how you can love unconditionally, don’t be selfish in your relationships, have the mind of Christ for one another. Ask God to teach you how to love each other. He is the best teacher.
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #9:
You Respect One Another’s Boundaries Everyone has boundaries before they’re married. Whether they are physical boundaries, emotional or spiritual. And if you don’t have any of these boundaries then you should really pray about whether or not God wants yo to establish them ( I can assure you He will).
Physical boundaries are crucial to any pre-marital relationship but each couple has different convictions. Really seek the Lord on this. Search His word for answers and talk to your parents and spiritual leaders about how to establish these boundaries and how to keep them.
Emotional boundaries are when you know that if the other person gets too close to your heart you will start looking to them to fulfill all of your emotional needs instead of God. Don’t let that happen. Communicate to your sweetheart that you have that boundary and ask them to help you protect and respect it.
Spiritual boundaries are where you know your need for God aside from just going to church. You know that you need alone time with Him and a bigger dedication to your relationship with Him than with anyone else. If the other person is dominating your mind and heart your relationship with God will be quenched. Continue to let Jesus be your true love. Tell this to your boyfriend/girlfriend. Make sure they understand how much you need the Lord and hopefully you both will help each other pursue Christ above one another.
By respecting these boundaries you are putting each other first above yourself and learning to love like Christ!
REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #10:
You Are the Best of Friends- Being best friends with your boyfriend/girlfriend is so misunderstood today. Having a best friend is the greatest feeling ever. To know and be known so well and intimately by someone is one of God’s rarest and best gifts to us. It’s a small glimpse of how the Lord really feels about us. But it’s so amazing when you know someone to their very heart and to know that they feel the same about you. Find someone who isn’t fake with you, who loves every part of you, your goofiness, your good and bad side and still loves you. Be BEST friends. Find that some one who would choose your company over anyone else’s because you really are the best friend they could ever ask for. It isn’t just a dream that you can find this. It’s a reality. It is possible. God makes all things possible if we wait and trust in Him!
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope these relationship goals find meaning and value with you. Let me know which #RealRealtionshipGoals stood out to you the most! I would love to hear from you. God bless!
P.S. Thank you, Dylan for inspiring me to write this and for letting God use you for His glory!