I am obsessed with my looks. There, I said it.
Not the type of obsessed that I can’t pass a mirror or other reflective surface without checking myself out. I’m not arrogant in that I think I’m so beautiful that I simply must have another look at myself. I don’t take selfies anywhere and everywhere and scatter them throughout various outlets of social media. I don’t make selfie books for my husband, Kim Kardashian-style. But I’m obsessed with certain aspects of my appearance.
I don’t quite know how or when this “obsession” started, but I suspect it had something at least in part to do with an unkind boyfriend I had my freshman year of college. Though I was 5’ 7” and maybe 110 pounds on a water-retention kind of day, he made the remark at some point that I could “stand to lose a little weight.” For someone who’d endured some hurtful comments about my looks (something about me not being as pretty as other girls) early in my youth, I had already suffered a few dings to my self-esteem, so this jab about my weight was particularly stabbing and I took it straight to the heart.
How should we speak as Christians? This is something that I have been pondering a lot lately for my own life as a Christian young adult. Right now in our culture we seem to be oftentimes bombarded with people speaking cuss words or talking in a mean or foul way. You hear it on TV and in movies, you find it on the internet and through social media, sadly, you can even it hear when you’re out and..
“I’m hot, I’m sexy and I’m in control.”
A few years back a friend of mine pulled up the computer to show me pictures of a semi-finalist on the popular show America’s Next Top Model. It just so happened that the girl competing for the Top Model title attended my friends university.
My friend was so shocked by how “fierce” this girl looked in her photos that she just had to show me. This girl definitely had the “I’m hot, I’m sexy and I’m in control” fierce look going on. She must have been trained well by the shows host, Tyra Banks.
This whole idea of being fierce was attractive to me. I wanted people to look at me and think “Wow! She’s got it”. But then I remembered that I was a Christian and the idea just didn’t seem right.
Let’s talk about happily ever after.
Several years ago I created a list of 30 things I wanted to do before turning 30 years old, a bucket list, if you will. When I originally created this 30×30 list and gave my dreams to God, I had no idea that I would be blessed to cross off 29 of those 30 items. God is good.
To be quite honest, I almost put “get married” on the list. Almost.
A happy, healthy, long-term relationship–sounds like a normal thing for a twenty-something girl to want, right? So why wasn’t it on the list? If it’s something I want someday in my future then that seems like a natural thing to put on the list, right?
Here he comes, Mr. Wonderful is walking towards you. He is everything you’ve waited for. He is handsome, he plays on your father’s worship team, he has an endearing smile, and he knows your name. But what will you do to make sure he likes you back? To secure a friendship (or even better: a relationship!) with him?
I know that this seems like a silly scenario but honestly, how many times have we all had that fleeting feeling when we notice a guy we like? Sometimes, we condemn ourselves for feeling this way because we are supposed to leave all of that romance stuff up to God and our parents.
But are we to just sit back and let the guy do all the hard work of figuring out if we are worth pursuing or not?
Are we to be standoffish, quiet and discreetly shy until he proposes? I would like to say forthrightly, NO!
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It had started out as a simple girls night out then it turned wrong. You were spending the night at your friend’s house with three other girls. They decided to watch a movie that you had never seen before. It was a romance comedy. You thought it would be fun to watch and you were also curious to see what this movie was about. Even though you knew your parents would have wanted you to ask them if this was a good movie to see you went against your better judgment and decided to just go with it.
Then you saw it. The sex seen that has stayed in your mind months after even watching the film. You keep telling yourself that it was just a silly movie and that you should just forget about it but when you are in your room and it’s dark, your mind replays that scene from the movie.
We’re heading for something
Somewhere I’ve never been
Sometimes I am frightened
But I’m ready to learn
Of the power of love…
Steamy, huh? If you are a female who lived through and remember anything of the 90’s (or if you just enjoy love-power ballads), then you know where these lyrics are from. Celine Dion immortalized the “power of love” in her hit song describing the glorious and dynamic force that is romantic and sexual love. And girls, she is right. Love is powerful!
Why is it that we as women, as a culture, as a human race, long so much for this love? For centuries, songs, stories, and now movies have immortalized romantic love and its power. Why is it such an obsession?!
When I was younger I was nailed to the idea that I would be married by age 16 and have my first adorable baby at age 18. I was so excited to grow up and meet my future husband and marry him. I told all of my family and friends that I wanted to get married at 16 and they would giggle and say good luck.
I held on to my dream and wished upon every star and dandelion weed that God would give me a husband to marry. Every boy I met I would “romanticize” my life with. I would match my first name with his last name and write it out on paper to see what it would look like. (Who hasn’t done that, right?)
Well, when I turned 15 Mr. Charming came into the picture. He was perfect. Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, and even 3 years older than me. We began talking on a regular basis and he even asked me for my phone number.
Sometimes I feel too prideful about being modest. Sometimes I feel ashamed to be modest, other times I feel like I’m doing the right thing but I’m missing out on some kind of “fun” when I am dressing modestly. Isn’t there some way that I could be cool and fashionable but godly at the same time without drawing out the “super godly girl whose too modest for you” type of attitude?
Lora, A Modesty Confused Girl
Have you ever had the same thoughts and feelings about modesty before? Do all the comments, books and articles about modesty leave you a bit hazy and insecure about the topic? Well in an effort not to make the same valid or invalid arguments about modesty I will lightly glaze over this subject and hopefully shed some light on a new concept regarding modesty.
I was thirteen years old and heading in for my first experience with the well known photography company Glamour Shots. My mom and I were on a special girls trip to Dallas, Texas to celebrate my birthday. Obviously getting my hair highlighted, nails manicured and pictures taken was a must for this girly girl.
I loved every minute of the Glamour Shot experience. The makeup. The hair. The clothes. The looking at pictures. The compliments. I felt beautiful and accepted.