It’s the agony and the ecstasy, isn’t it? An amazing godly man shows interest in you, and you want to know if this is “the one.” Like, now.
Fear looms on the horizon and the emotional stakes are high. You want to do the right thing, you long to honor the Lord, but what does that look like in this undefined relationship? How do you risk the chance at love while guarding your heart from unnecessary anguish?
I spent long years wrestling with this question, and it has been the subject of countless conversations with other single friends. We girls long for clarity, guarantees, and a fail-proof method for falling in love with the right guy at the right time.
But there are none…
Blog posts and Youtube videos with titles like the one this article has, have always annoyed me. The perspective is completely backward, the focus is very selfish, and they encourage the wrong kind of mindset. It’s always about manipulation. What knobs you can turn, and what levers can you pull to get the result you want. On top of that, the tips and tricks advised would only work on reeling in..
Because I’m a young single twenty-something, people often offer me advice about relationships.
They tell me to make sure I’m not being taken for granted.
To make sure I’m getting something back in return.
To make sure the relationships I enter into are two-way streets.
To make sure that I’m appreciated. That my gestures are reciprocated.
I brought you a cupcake at work. Now it’s your turn to bring me one.
And I appreciate all of you people giving me this advice. I know it comes from love. It comes from wanting to see the person you care for valued in her relationships. It comes from being protective. But I have news for you:
I don’t want that 50/50 relationship you’re talking about…
It’s likely that you’ve been told before that you should dress modestly to help the men in your life not lust. I know I was told was that if I was wearing something that was too “revealing,” men would just be picturing me naked automatically. It was presented to me as a reaction that they couldn’t help but have. So, if I didn’t want men picturing me naked, I needed to make sure they didn’t..
If you’re like me, you want to “crack the code.” What do guys—particularly Christian guys—think of flirting? I asked some godly guys I know, and here’s what they had to say. (Something I learned from their input: it doesn’t take much to get their attention!)
Interest in flirts is fleeting. Attention for girls who don’t flirt starts slow but lasts. Even flirting guys respect girls who don’t.
Love and pursue Jesus as your number one priority, and guys who want a godly wife will notice. But that’s not really a good reason to pursue Jesus . . . it’s just a side benefit. —Ben
Don’t be afraid to be friendly to a guy you may be interested in. Nothing wrong with making conversation and being cordial. Don’t get carried away, and don’t over-think everything. —Mat
Somehow she knew he was looking her way. She slowly glanced in his direction to find out. His handsome face smiled at her. Their eyes locked for several long seconds. She shyly smiled back. Invisible sparks flew as butterflies erupted in both of their stomachs.
True love just hit the scene.
Or did it?
The word love comes in all shapes and sizes today.
We, as a culture, use it in a casual moment after we bite into a hot slice of pizza, or a monumental moment as we stand at the altar on our wedding day. Love. Such a short, but powerful word. Most of us say the word love in the moments when we’re feeling happy. When the object or person in front of us is making our life better.
Romantic love takes things a step further.
Rhymes don’t always chime…err…a rhyme isn’t true all the time…umm…living by rhymes can result in fines?
Okay, those are all lame. Allow me to just use blunt prose. Is modest truly “hottest” as the catchy expression goes? Actually, no. Not at all.
I’ve always had a couple major issues with this slogan, and I don’t think it actually helps cultivate true Biblical modesty.
By definition, modest..
Let’s talk about happily ever after.
Several years ago I created a list of 30 things I wanted to do before turning 30 years old, a bucket list, if you will. When I originally created this 30×30 list and gave my dreams to God, I had no idea that I would be blessed to cross off 29 of those 30 items. God is good.
To be quite honest, I almost put “get married” on the list. Almost.
A happy, healthy, long-term relationship–sounds like a normal thing for a twenty-something girl to want, right? So why wasn’t it on the list? If it’s something I want someday in my future then that seems like a natural thing to put on the list, right?
Here he comes, Mr. Wonderful is walking towards you. He is everything you’ve waited for. He is handsome, he plays on your father’s worship team, he has an endearing smile, and he knows your name. But what will you do to make sure he likes you back? To secure a friendship (or even better: a relationship!) with him?
I know that this seems like a silly scenario but honestly, how many times have we all had that fleeting feeling when we notice a guy we like? Sometimes, we condemn ourselves for feeling this way because we are supposed to leave all of that romance stuff up to God and our parents.
But are we to just sit back and let the guy do all the hard work of figuring out if we are worth pursuing or not?
Are we to be standoffish, quiet and discreetly shy until he proposes? I would like to say forthrightly, NO!
We’re heading for something
Somewhere I’ve never been
Sometimes I am frightened
But I’m ready to learn
Of the power of love…
Steamy, huh? If you are a female who lived through and remember anything of the 90’s (or if you just enjoy love-power ballads), then you know where these lyrics are from. Celine Dion immortalized the “power of love” in her hit song describing the glorious and dynamic force that is romantic and sexual love. And girls, she is right. Love is powerful!
Why is it that we as women, as a culture, as a human race, long so much for this love? For centuries, songs, stories, and now movies have immortalized romantic love and its power. Why is it such an obsession?!