Blog posts and Youtube videos with titles like the one this article has, have always annoyed me. The perspective is completely backward, the focus is very selfish, and they encourage the wrong kind of mindset. It’s always about manipulation. What knobs you can turn, and what levers can you pull to get the result you want. On top of that, the tips and tricks advised would only work on reeling in the kind of guys you definitely don’t want to be marrying.

And it’s all fake. It’s doing what you have to do in the short term to get out of that person what you want.

In an attempt to sate my own annoyance and to hopefully provide a better approach, I decided to write my own version.

Here you are, ladies: three simple ways to get the right kind of man to like you.

1. Don’t

That’s right. Don’t. Don’t try to get guys to like you. This is really all I wanted to say, but I figured people would accuse me of being a troll if I wrote a blog post entitled “How to Get a Guy to like You,” and then simply said, “Don’t try and get a guy to like you.” So I’ll try and provide a little more insight.

You shouldn’t try to get a guy to like you because that is the complete opposite of the mindset you should want to have. Who are you thinking about when you’re considering how to get a guy to like you? You. Yourself. You’re thinking about what you want, not what would be good for him. (This applies to guys, too).

“Getting” someone to do something means you are manipulating them into doing something they wouldn’t normally do on their own.

I’m not going to tell you how to manipulate people, and you don’t want to be thinking that way. Plus, why would you want to date/court/marry a guy you had to trick or control into liking you? That kind of defeats the whole purpose, right? Where is the romance in making someone like you?

Additionally, men who are striving to be like Christ and who want to eventually pursue a godly wife don’t want women trying to manipulate them into liking them.

I’ll say it again: the right guy doesn’t want you pursuing him!

This may sound counter intuitive, but it’s actually a turn off to the strong Christian man to be pursued by a woman. He doesn’t want to marry that kind of woman. In a marriage, the man needs to be the one to take the lead, and this is why the man needs to be the one to pursue. If the woman robs him of this duty by constantly being the one to initiate, not giving him a chance to take the lead, or frequently attempting to do and say things to draw his attention or admiration, it will quickly become irritating for him. He will see through your subtle attempts to gain his favor.

The right man will pursue you, you don’t have to go after him.

Don’t try and get a guy to like you. However, I do approve of the following two methods for attracting the right man.

2. Be Yourself

I cringe at the cliché-ness of this second step (now I really am starting to sound like all those other blog posts and Youtube videos), but it’s accurate.

You’re not going to attract the right kind of person for you if you’re too busy trying to be someone else. If you put on a mask or create a pretty façade, then you’ll attract the men who are interested in that mask or that façade. Even if it’s a good mask, it’s fake, and you wouldn’t be compatible with a man drawn to that front.

Really, it’s pretty simple.  You want the person who wants you, and you won’t get that person if you’re being someone else.

That being said, you aren’t perfect. You have natural flaws and weaknesses. We all do. Don’t embrace this part of yourself.

We don’t like to change. We like sameness because we know what to expect. It’s safe. Change invites the unknown, and that is frightening. So instead of trying to change our flaws and weaknesses, we often defend them and say, “This is just who I am. Accept me, or leave me.”  The good Christian men, the kind you want to marry, will see that and they will say, “Okay, I guess I’ll leave you.”

Here is the truth that so many fail to see: our flaws are not who we are; our weaknesses are not who we are. We were created to be perfect. Jesus showed us how. Part of being yourself is rejecting the parts of you that aren’t actually you, or rather, not who you were created to be.  That means rejecting your natural weaknesses and flaws. Instead, we need to strive to become like Christ, growing in sanctification through the Holy Spirit. Not remaining as we are.

This doesn’t mean you have to be completely without flaws or without weaknesses, far from it. The man you marry will have plenty of flaws as well. We are flawed beings, and we live in a flawed world. The fall allowed sin into the world, and that’s how things will be this side of Heaven for the time being. There are also inherent blind spots that come with being men and women, but these are present to show us how we need each other—to complement each other.

However, we do need to reject and move away from the parts of ourselves that are still in rebellion to God. We need to be willing to improve, not just accept our sin. Sin is not invincible. It has a weakness too, and that weakness is Christ. We need to be moving toward Christ, not away by passively accepting our sinful weaknesses.

Be yourself, but also be a new a creation in Christ. A woman relentlessly chasing after Christ is incredibly attractive to the man relentlessly pursuing Christ—the one you want to marry. 

This leads me to the final step toward “getting” the right kind of guy to like you.

3. Pursue Christ

This is really what it all boils down to. If you take on the character of Christ, you will have no desire to try and “get guys to like you,” because you will understand how that is manipulative and how it goes against the roles God gave men and women.

Additionally, your character will be attractive and admirable on its own. Jesus didn’t have a problem getting people to come to his “events.” (Something I think many “seeker-sensitive” churches could learn from) In fact, He had to work hard to get away from people. Granted, He also could work miracles, which perhaps you can’t do (unless you can, in which case, that’s always a plus).  Regardless, Jesus was the kind of person people wanted to be around. Who wouldn’t want to be around a person who is courageous, patient, humble, and full of joy, hope, faith, peace, and love? Virtuous people are attractive.

If you want to marry a godly man who is kind, courageous, wise, loving, and so on and so forth, then you should strive to be the feminine version.

Don’t try to attract someone, but work on becoming a benefit to others and a gift to your future husband. Don’t go looking for how to catch “that perfect someone.” Instead, strive to become “that perfect someone” for whomever your future spouse will be. The rest will take care of itself. It’s also much simpler to do, if not easier; love God, and become like Christ.

That’s all you need to know. Do that, and leave the results up to God.

Writer, speaker, musician, Reagan Ramm is the editor of Kingdom Pen, a Christian online writing community and e-magazine for teens. He writes on Christian worldview and lifestyle on his blog, while also writing for Coastal Conservatory, a website for families seeking to run a business from home. Additionally, he is currently in the process of writing an ebook on the topic of modesty. On top of his writing, he also produces music, and recently completed his 2nd full-length album with his electronic music project, Andromeda Coast. He will also be producing the debut album for the Long Family Singers. Reagan lives in Southwest Florida, and is the second eldest of seven children.  { http://coastalconservatory.com/,  http://reaganramm.com/ ,  http://kingdompen.org/ }